On The Spot____________

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Mother's Day.

.. and I don't even have a mother any more.

A day I was wishing not to come. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for other people who are together or has their mothers. I don't like it because it reminds me of someone that I don't have anymore nor will I ever have. Someone I've lost that I can't see or talk to for the rest of my like. This day reminds me of how lucky I was before and how lost I am right now. I'm not being melodramatic but just bear with me for today.

This day got me reminiscing of the days where my family was complete and happy. We lived a very simple life, frugal but happy and health without any concerns but to get by one day at a time... All of those were taken for granted by me. I never thought those were going to be taken away from me as early as possible.

And all of a sudden, those happy images and memories are shattered, dreams of having a place of our own with us three living together were flushed down the drain of nothingness. It's like reality burst our bubble of happiness only to leave me into pieces which I thought I could never put back together.. All that was left from me was a shell of my old self, no well of anything but to salvage what was left of our former family. I never thought losing someone.. No.. losing a Mother could affect as much.

Looking back.. it's been 6 months and still, I couldn't begin to comprehend how I survived nor why it happened. I remember, all of the visitors are saying, "It's God's Will and there's a reason.." but up till now, I still don't know. Till now, no matter how happy/satisfied I look, everything feels as fresh as though it all happened yesterday.

I couldn't comprehend that no matter how high I fly, nor how far I travel, I would never find her again. Nor feel her embrace, nor see her loving smile to her only child.

Please, to whomever is reading this, I cannot emphasize nor reiterate how much you have to let your loved ones know they are loved and you have to cherish them dearly. Hold them close to your heart, never forget them nor take them for granted. We live only once. We will never know what might happen a year from now, or next month, or next week.. nor even tomorrow!

As for me, I'm slowly picking up the shreds of what's left of my normalcy. Bit by bit, I'm trying to move forward, making new memories but never forgetting the past. Walking forward in baby steps and hopefully, sooner or later.. I'll be able to live normally and look back painlessly. Building dreams a I go, cherishing people more than ever because the old saying is true...

"You'll never know what you have till it's gone"

++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 11:50 PM and received 0 comment(s).

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Jason Mraz is now my new found love. :) From "I'm Yours" to "Lucky", I love him to the core. Well, that is the kind of love only reserved for my favorite musician, but about the real life love except for my mom and dad and friends? well.. that is really one subject I'm really really thinking about.. but according to the interpretation of my most recent dream, I've already acknowledged what I'm feeling but I haven't confronted it yet.. and my say to the interpretation is; really?

++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 9:45 PM and received 0 comment(s).

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

and then the year would end with a BANG. I hope. :)

Let me see. 2008 would be the most memorable and unwanted AND wanted year all the same. You all know what's the reason behind being unwanted and memorable... as for the wanted part of the year, well, it came much later. That part.. I'd rather not talk about so as not to jinx. :P

So GOODBYE 2008! and then...

HELLO 2009!!

++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 2:58 PM and received 0 comment(s).

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

This is going to be the first post I'm going to write after my mom's passing. Goodbye mom, I know you're in a better place than us here, but please don't forget to watch over us. I'll miss you and I would never call anybody "mami" again. You know sometimes, I'm wondering why God took my mom at such an early age, I don't want to be mean to other people, but why my mom? why not somebody else? somebody mean... bad. Now, I can't help but feel bitter to those people who have moms and yet they don't treasure/respect their mothers. Can't they feel how privileged they are just by having such a tender mother who would still be able to guide them, go through their wedding with them, share stories with them, impart mother skills with them and so on? For me, I wish I had the time to sit down and talk to my mother. I never had enough chance when she was alive, because I've been "busy" with my career.. my job, which is the way for our dreams to come true, for us to have our very own house and lot, but now, the dreams.. are just dreams, my dad and I lost our will to go on. I know it's bad but I also know it's temporary.

I am so thankful for my friends, online or real who shared sympathy and understanding. I fell in love with all of you. You all don't know how much you all mean to me, you were my salvation, especially during the hardest and darkest times of my life.. after the death of my mom and the hospitalization of my father. I'm thankful to God to have given my mother such a peaceful passing and for giving my father his second life and for leaving me with a good father.

I love you mom. I love you Dad... may we always be together. We shall see each other sometime. I'm going to miss you Mami. You know I love you.

++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 5:57 PM and received 0 comment(s).

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Well.. it was surprising how this day turned out. At first, it was gloomy since yesterday since the flight crew were not that close like other flights, even me, I'm not that keen on talking to anyone, maybe it's because of lack of sleep, I don't know. But one thing's for sure, we're not exactly friends with each other. Anyway, so since we're not that friendly, we had our own worlds right after we reached the hotel, which was fine by me, since I'm a loner type of person... BUT, I'm not that particularly happy roaming around alone in a destination I haven't been before.. but I've got no choice except to be alone.

So anyway, I was planning on waking early to catch the tour of the Stockholm City Hall, or maybe book a seat for the Hop-on, Hop-Off bus which is also a city tour, but noooo... I woke up late, around 12pm, and not only that but it was RAINING!! (and I don't have any umbrella), but anyway, ever the positive thinker, I still headed down to the lobby, thinking maybe I could borrow an umbrella, but then the lady behind the counter told me every umbrella they had were already borrowed... I swear I was about to head back to my room and sulk but then, the very kind gentleman I've met the night before (not that kind of night, I swear, but I've met the gentleman because he was the one who took my uniform to the laundry) greeted me and asked me why I was distressed, I told him I wanted to go out, but I don't have an umbrella and the hotel doesn't have an extra. He told me to wait for a bit and he's going to get me one, I told him again that the lady told me they don't have any in stock but he insisted I wait for him, which I did, and surprise!surprise! he came back to me with an umbrella! He told me that I have to bring it back to him since it was his own umbrella (with a Marilyn Monroe design). So now, I'm happy and ready to face the city of Stockholm... so on to the journey..

I was walking on the streets not knowing where to, I was actually hoping to walk across somewhere historical, which I did (it was beside a river).. although, now I wasn't sure what it was, then I proceeded on taking pictures of the scenery, then I realized, I wanted a picture of myself on that scenery.. good thing, there were lots of tourists on that place and I kindly asked one of them to take one for me... so anyway, along the way, I met some Filipinos who were thinking I am living here in Stockholm and was about to ask for directions, I told them that I was just taking the path my feet are taking me and with no clear destination, turns out they were there for aviation training, they were flight crew of a local airline back in the Philippines and now they're just training in Sweden for some conversion of some sort, so I decided to get lost with them. :) I tagged along. There were four guys: Xandro, Dominic, Melvin and Jojo. They were also looking for some place to eat, they've just finished browsing in the National Museum.. as for me, I was soo hungry as well since I hadn't eaten since the flight. So we ended up walking and walking and WALKING in the rain and in 13C weather. I was freezing, my feet were drenched, my pants were cold, I was shivering.. but it was nice hanging out with the same nationality, I feel like I wasn't that alone. So anyway, in the end, 3 of the guys went ahead, since they were shivering and that left me and Xandro to roam the city.. it was fun, he wasn't a typical flight deck crew that I'm not used to hang around with.. anyway, in the end. I had some fun. :) Much fun than expected. So thanks to you guys! Hats off!! :D Hope to see you guys soon, transfer to our airline~~~!! :P

++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 9:15 PM and received 0 comment(s).

Monday, August 18, 2008

This may be one of the rarer days that I find myself sad while alone, because being alone has been practically my world ever since I was born. Maybe I'm feeling sad because I've just had my leave and the feeling that I'm experiencing right now is being homesick? I wouldn't know... or maybe because all the songs that's been playing on my iTunes over and over again are by Barry Manilow or the Eagles?... or just maybe the tiny fact that my parents hasn't been replying in any of my emails?

I don't know. I. Just. Don't. Know. Period.

Tomorrow, I would be flying to Johannesburg after quite some time of not seeing that destination, I hope that the flight's not going to be full because I'm really not in the mood of serving people sincerely right from the bottom of our supposedly bottomless hearts.. Good to know that it's quite cold there in SA right now, a perfect match to my mood just because I'm feeling a bit cold, physically and mentally right now. Physically since the AC in my room is set to 18C and mentally since I'm bored and alone and sad.

Oh well, I better look for something to do right now than procrastinate or feeling sad all by myself. I need to feel productive dammit!

++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 3:28 PM and received 0 comment(s).

Thursday, April 10, 2008

First off, it's been a while! :) My god, these past few days has been very hectic for me. First was Lagos flight, the next day, double sector of Jed-Bah, then the next day, another double sector AUH-KWI and then last but not the least, the next day (which was actually yesterday) one last flight to RUH. But... here! here! before those flights, I've been bothered as to how will I get over them without actually DYING of exhaustion, but.. truthfully, now, I really don't care because I just got a letter of promotion. After TWO effing YEARS! :D yay! *claps*

So... HAPPY. BLISS. :)

++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 2:40 AM and received 1 comment(s).

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Just came back from Dhaka. It was such a nice place. The flight itself wasn't that pleasing, though. But I wouldn't complain since the flight load going to Dhaka is quite light, only half of the capacity of the plane. I was expecting to be in the galley for the first leg but then I was surprised when our purser made me in charge of the bars instead. Anyway, I didn't expect to enjoy Dhaka, because, first thing, I don't like the place, I mean, I don't have anything to do there or rather, I don't know what I can do there. So first thing first, good thing there was this one Filipino guy flying together with me, so that completely made my day, I love doing flights with fellow Filipinos because I could talk to them in my language, we could understand each other better and you actually know what to expect from each other. So, the Filipino guy was made in charge of the galley, which I didn't mind since I could be near him since I'm the one in charge of the bars so therefore, I would be able to make an excuse that I'll be the one helping him in the galley (in reality though, I didn't want to go out in the cabin. haha). Sooo... anyway, once in Dhaka, we made our plans, me and the other flip (Filipino), we decided to meet up at 12pm local time in Dhaka and that I would be calling him at 11.30am to make sure he's awake. So, 11.30am came, I called him, he sounded sleepy.. I told him to hurry up since I want to finish shopping early. (We're planning on going to Bango Bazaar) Anyway, after calling him, I waited till 12pm for his call since I told him to call me once he's ready, and MAN!, I called him 12.15pm and he sounded like he just woke up! man, he's a SLEEPY HEAD I SWEAR.

Anyway, moving on, moving on, we ate our lunch, rode a rickshaw and reached Bango bazaar which was unfortunately closed! good thing, the market on the other side was open, and also a good thing, there were other Filipinos in Dhaka! Can you imagine my shock when they offered to drive us back to our hotel (Radisson)?! They were so nice and they even showed us around. They showed us the Aarong (which is a shop for native goods) and West Tech (which is quite expensive shop).. after everything even, they invited us for dinner!!!!

So anyway, our dinner was at 8.30pm, there were two Filipino guys who invited us over their accomodation since they've been working at Dhaka for quite some time (3 years), anyway, they cooked Filipino food for us!!! some Fish Escabeche (SP?) and Sinigang na Baboy!!! They really made my day, so after eating, we even went to Westin, to drink some wine at the rooftop. I really can't believe I enjoyed Dhaka this much, much thanks to you guys!! You know who you are!!! :D *hugglez*

++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 11:32 PM and received 1 comment(s).





	Saturday, May 09, 2009 Mother's Day. .. and I don't even have a mother any more. A day I was wishing not to come. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for other people who are together or has their mothers. I don't like it because it reminds me of someone that I don't have anymore nor will I ever have. Someone I've lost that I can't see or talk to for the rest of my like. This day reminds me of how lucky I was before and how lost I am right now. I'm not being melodramatic but just bear with me for today. This day got me reminiscing of the days where my family was complete and happy. We lived a very simple life, frugal but happy and health without any concerns but to get by one day at a time... All of those were taken for granted by me. I never thought those were going to be taken away from me as early as possible. And all of a sudden, those happy images and memories are shattered, dreams of having a place of our own with us three living together were flushed down the drain of nothingness. It's like reality burst our bubble of happiness only to leave me into pieces which I thought I could never put back together.. All that was left from me was a shell of my old self, no well of anything but to salvage what was left of our former family. I never thought losing someone.. No.. losing a Mother could affect as much. Looking back.. it's been 6 months and still, I couldn't begin to comprehend how I survived nor why it happened. I remember, all of the visitors are saying, "It's God's Will and there's a reason.." but up till now, I still don't know. Till now, no matter how happy/satisfied I look, everything feels as fresh as though it all happened yesterday. I couldn't comprehend that no matter how high I fly, nor how far I travel, I would never find her again. Nor feel her embrace, nor see her loving smile to her only child. Please, to whomever is reading this, I cannot emphasize nor reiterate how much you have to let your loved ones know they are loved and you have to cherish them dearly. Hold them close to your heart, never forget them nor take them for granted. We live only once. We will never know what might happen a year from now, or next month, or next week.. nor even tomorrow! As for me, I'm slowly picking up the shreds of what's left of my normalcy. Bit by bit, I'm trying to move forward, making new memories but never forgetting the past. Walking forward in baby steps and hopefully, sooner or later.. I'll be able to live normally and look back painlessly. Building dreams a I go, cherishing people more than ever because the old saying is true... "You'll never know what you have till it's gone" ++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 11:50 PM and received 0 comment(s). Wednesday, January 21, 2009 Jason Mraz is now my new found love. :) From "I'm Yours" to "Lucky", I love him to the core. Well, that is the kind of love only reserved for my favorite musician, but about the real life love except for my mom and dad and friends? well.. that is really one subject I'm really really thinking about.. but according to the interpretation of my most recent dream, I've already acknowledged what I'm feeling but I haven't confronted it yet.. and my say to the interpretation is; really? ++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 9:45 PM and received 0 comment(s). Wednesday, December 31, 2008 and then the year would end with a BANG. I hope. :) Let me see. 2008 would be the most memorable and unwanted AND wanted year all the same. You all know what's the reason behind being unwanted and memorable... as for the wanted part of the year, well, it came much later. That part.. I'd rather not talk about so as not to jinx. :P So GOODBYE 2008! and then... HELLO 2009!! ++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 2:58 PM and received 0 comment(s). Tuesday, December 30, 2008 This is going to be the first post I'm going to write after my mom's passing. Goodbye mom, I know you're in a better place than us here, but please don't forget to watch over us. I'll miss you and I would never call anybody "mami" again. You know sometimes, I'm wondering why God took my mom at such an early age, I don't want to be mean to other people, but why my mom? why not somebody else? somebody mean... bad. Now, I can't help but feel bitter to those people who have moms and yet they don't treasure/respect their mothers. Can't they feel how privileged they are just by having such a tender mother who would still be able to guide them, go through their wedding with them, share stories with them, impart mother skills with them and so on? For me, I wish I had the time to sit down and talk to my mother. I never had enough chance when she was alive, because I've been "busy" with my career.. my job, which is the way for our dreams to come true, for us to have our very own house and lot, but now, the dreams.. are just dreams, my dad and I lost our will to go on. I know it's bad but I also know it's temporary. I am so thankful for my friends, online or real who shared sympathy and understanding. I fell in love with all of you. You all don't know how much you all mean to me, you were my salvation, especially during the hardest and darkest times of my life.. after the death of my mom and the hospitalization of my father. I'm thankful to God to have given my mother such a peaceful passing and for giving my father his second life and for leaving me with a good father. I love you mom. I love you Dad... may we always be together. We shall see each other sometime. I'm going to miss you Mami. You know I love you. ++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 5:57 PM and received 0 comment(s). Saturday, September 06, 2008 Well.. it was surprising how this day turned out. At first, it was gloomy since yesterday since the flight crew were not that close like other flights, even me, I'm not that keen on talking to anyone, maybe it's because of lack of sleep, I don't know. But one thing's for sure, we're not exactly friends with each other. Anyway, so since we're not that friendly, we had our own worlds right after we reached the hotel, which was fine by me, since I'm a loner type of person... BUT, I'm not that particularly happy roaming around alone in a destination I haven't been before.. but I've got no choice except to be alone. So anyway, I was planning on waking early to catch the tour of the Stockholm City Hall, or maybe book a seat for the Hop-on, Hop-Off bus which is also a city tour, but noooo... I woke up late, around 12pm, and not only that but it was RAINING!! (and I don't have any umbrella), but anyway, ever the positive thinker, I still headed down to the lobby, thinking maybe I could borrow an umbrella, but then the lady behind the counter told me every umbrella they had were already borrowed... I swear I was about to head back to my room and sulk but then, the very kind gentleman I've met the night before (not that kind of night, I swear, but I've met the gentleman because he was the one who took my uniform to the laundry) greeted me and asked me why I was distressed, I told him I wanted to go out, but I don't have an umbrella and the hotel doesn't have an extra. He told me to wait for a bit and he's going to get me one, I told him again that the lady told me they don't have any in stock but he insisted I wait for him, which I did, and surprise!surprise! he came back to me with an umbrella! He told me that I have to bring it back to him since it was his own umbrella (with a Marilyn Monroe design). So now, I'm happy and ready to face the city of Stockholm... so on to the journey.. I was walking on the streets not knowing where to, I was actually hoping to walk across somewhere historical, which I did (it was beside a river).. although, now I wasn't sure what it was, then I proceeded on taking pictures of the scenery, then I realized, I wanted a picture of myself on that scenery.. good thing, there were lots of tourists on that place and I kindly asked one of them to take one for me... so anyway, along the way, I met some Filipinos who were thinking I am living here in Stockholm and was about to ask for directions, I told them that I was just taking the path my feet are taking me and with no clear destination, turns out they were there for aviation training, they were flight crew of a local airline back in the Philippines and now they're just training in Sweden for some conversion of some sort, so I decided to get lost with them. :) I tagged along. There were four guys: Xandro, Dominic, Melvin and Jojo. They were also looking for some place to eat, they've just finished browsing in the National Museum.. as for me, I was soo hungry as well since I hadn't eaten since the flight. So we ended up walking and walking and WALKING in the rain and in 13C weather. I was freezing, my feet were drenched, my pants were cold, I was shivering.. but it was nice hanging out with the same nationality, I feel like I wasn't that alone. So anyway, in the end, 3 of the guys went ahead, since they were shivering and that left me and Xandro to roam the city.. it was fun, he wasn't a typical flight deck crew that I'm not used to hang around with.. anyway, in the end. I had some fun. :) Much fun than expected. So thanks to you guys! Hats off!! :D Hope to see you guys soon, transfer to our airline~~~!! :P ++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 9:15 PM and received 0 comment(s). Monday, August 18, 2008 This may be one of the rarer days that I find myself sad while alone, because being alone has been practically my world ever since I was born. Maybe I'm feeling sad because I've just had my leave and the feeling that I'm experiencing right now is being homesick? I wouldn't know... or maybe because all the songs that's been playing on my iTunes over and over again are by Barry Manilow or the Eagles?... or just maybe the tiny fact that my parents hasn't been replying in any of my emails? I don't know. I. Just. Don't. Know. Period. Tomorrow, I would be flying to Johannesburg after quite some time of not seeing that destination, I hope that the flight's not going to be full because I'm really not in the mood of serving people sincerely right from the bottom of our supposedly bottomless hearts.. Good to know that it's quite cold there in SA right now, a perfect match to my mood just because I'm feeling a bit cold, physically and mentally right now. Physically since the AC in my room is set to 18C and mentally since I'm bored and alone and sad. Oh well, I better look for something to do right now than procrastinate or feeling sad all by myself. I need to feel productive dammit! ++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 3:28 PM and received 0 comment(s). Thursday, April 10, 2008 First off, it's been a while! :) My god, these past few days has been very hectic for me. First was Lagos flight, the next day, double sector of Jed-Bah, then the next day, another double sector AUH-KWI and then last but not the least, the next day (which was actually yesterday) one last flight to RUH. But... here! here! before those flights, I've been bothered as to how will I get over them without actually DYING of exhaustion, but.. truthfully, now, I really don't care because I just got a letter of promotion. After TWO effing YEARS! :D yay! claps So... HAPPY. BLISS. :) ++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 2:40 AM and received 1 comment(s). Saturday, February 23, 2008 Just came back from Dhaka. It was such a nice place. The flight itself wasn't that pleasing, though. But I wouldn't complain since the flight load going to Dhaka is quite light, only half of the capacity of the plane. I was expecting to be in the galley for the first leg but then I was surprised when our purser made me in charge of the bars instead. Anyway, I didn't expect to enjoy Dhaka, because, first thing, I don't like the place, I mean, I don't have anything to do there or rather, I don't know what I can do there. So first thing first, good thing there was this one Filipino guy flying together with me, so that completely made my day, I love doing flights with fellow Filipinos because I could talk to them in my language, we could understand each other better and you actually know what to expect from each other. So, the Filipino guy was made in charge of the galley, which I didn't mind since I could be near him since I'm the one in charge of the bars so therefore, I would be able to make an excuse that I'll be the one helping him in the galley (in reality though, I didn't want to go out in the cabin. haha). Sooo... anyway, once in Dhaka, we made our plans, me and the other flip (Filipino), we decided to meet up at 12pm local time in Dhaka and that I would be calling him at 11.30am to make sure he's awake. So, 11.30am came, I called him, he sounded sleepy.. I told him to hurry up since I want to finish shopping early. (We're planning on going to Bango Bazaar) Anyway, after calling him, I waited till 12pm for his call since I told him to call me once he's ready, and MAN!, I called him 12.15pm and he sounded like he just woke up! man, he's a SLEEPY HEAD I SWEAR. Anyway, moving on, moving on, we ate our lunch, rode a rickshaw and reached Bango bazaar which was unfortunately closed! good thing, the market on the other side was open, and also a good thing, there were other Filipinos in Dhaka! Can you imagine my shock when they offered to drive us back to our hotel (Radisson)?! They were so nice and they even showed us around. They showed us the Aarong (which is a shop for native goods) and West Tech (which is quite expensive shop).. after everything even, they invited us for dinner!!!! So anyway, our dinner was at 8.30pm, there were two Filipino guys who invited us over their accomodation since they've been working at Dhaka for quite some time (3 years), anyway, they cooked Filipino food for us!!! some Fish Escabeche (SP?) and Sinigang na Baboy!!! They really made my day, so after eating, we even went to Westin, to drink some wine at the rooftop. I really can't believe I enjoyed Dhaka this much, much thanks to you guys!! You know who you are!!! :D hugglez ++ Mattel scribbled at exactly 11:32 PM and received 1 comment(s).		Mattel is a 23 years old girl(?) or woman(?) residing temporarily at Doha, Qatar for the sake of her career. She's originally from Philippines. Having finished Industrial Engineering from one of the best (really proud of it, actually) engineering institute in the Philippines, namely, Mapua Institute of Technology she often wonders how come her career as of the present is being a flight attendant of an international airline she'd rather keep private (it's not good to broadcast, really), but she's not complaining about it. Hey, traveling as a career is one thing you can't help but feel good about. When it comes to music, she prefers RnB, jazz and classical (don't ask why classical, I don't know why as well). Also listens avidly to jpop/jrock. Reading is also one of her hobbies aka priority (as well). She loves romance, fantasy and a bit of suspense, she thinks self-help books are nice as well. Horror movies are the way to go, other than that, she could settle for romantic flicks (provided, it's not too sappy) and adventure-type of movies. Loves cats and dogs, although, leaning a lot towards liking cats more. Loves HTML, Adobe Photoshop, sudoku, Macromedia Fireworks and CSS, because they keep her sane (... and keeps her from being mentally challenged, specially from her line of work). Treasures her annoyingly pink Sony T20, really huge (aka TV) Acer Laptop and her quite weathered N71. Current Desktop: Current Winamp: Watched logs: \|\| Cristina \|\| Lui \|\| Kimmy \|\| Shabby \|\| Aicee \|\| Reiven \|\| Rubellite \|\| Credits: \|\| StatCounter \|\| OKCounter \|\| Blogger \|\|